They always say that once a mirror has been shattered, its impossible to fix it back, even with the finest craftsmen, it'll never be flawless again. Uneventful happenings shrouding my life are like parasites, feeding on my sorrow, one after another, like a plague which I have no cure to.
The break-up left me barely alive, cleaning what's left of my broken heart. My stubborn nature and the adamant will to survive left me brushing my scraped knees, fighting to get up again. Then he came back like a silent sandstorm, but of course,,, never an inch of me has regretted his action. I missed him... beyond how words can describe.
Our fingers hungered for the affection that once kept us together, hearts outstretched with healing wings embracing every second of each other's presence. Tears that fell like rain.... That day, i realized i have never really moved on, all but a strong facade. Is this some form of black magic? The power that he wields over me? I wonder.
I expected things not to be the same again, his scent, the way he looks at me all seem like a passing dream now. What can i do to salvage something that's begging to be saved, yet bearing near zero possibility of hope? I did a stupid thing, the grown-ups call it "guilty pleasure that shouldn't be told" the fatal 3p. I don't deny, i didn't enjoy it. However, I neither detest nor feel upset by it. I don't know if it was a test by my really bitchy sub-concious mind, but... the results were just as I expected, even if I didn't want my prediction to come true.
The way he held her, I could almost feel the hunger he had buried inside. Jealousy wasn't the issue there. All i felt was... What he needs right now isn't me, just as i thought it was, (hopefully), but a companion. It can be anybody. Im neither special nor better in any way, just an ordinary girl hopelessly in love with a boy who loves her by breaking her heart. over and over, like a mindless replay.
I am such a masochist. And a traveller without a map. A difficult math test with no solutions. I need help. yet none can be given except from myself.
Fuck this shit. i wish love was just love.
